All Together Now.

We have this idea in our minds that we have to have it all together. Okay, maybe you dont but it is a struggle of mine. For the last six to seven years I have been placed in situations that make me feel like I have to have all the answers. It's as if I cannot have a bad day or cannot have a moment where I am frustrated. Somewhere along the line I was taught to give the appearance that everything is just fine. And there are a few people in life that I can just be real in front of but not many. At Lincoln I'm missing that someone I would call my best friend. Sure I know tons of people and have several friends. But no best friend. No one to argue sports with me. No one to tell me I'm being an idiot. No one that makes fun of me just to pass the time. No one to tell me that my idea is the worst thing they've ever heard. Or get behind me and help it come true. I need someone who will wrestle around and try to hurt me while I figure out new ways to escape their strength. I'm just looking for someone to know me beyond the fact that I need three napkins at dinner and I can't have my food touch and I eat one food at a time.

I may give the appearance that nothing is wrong because thats how I was taught to roll. I need someone who will argue with me. Let me be a punk for a while so I can just be me. Let me tell you how stupid your sports team is and let me act like I can take you in a fight....I don't have it all together.

Remember Me?

Last week I had a discussion with some people over an interesting topic. The question was, "what makes a man?" In true stereotype fashion things came up such as; being good with cars, the value of being big and strong, & hiding your feelings. Hmmm...well, I'm 0-3. I don't know the slightest thing about cars, I weigh 130 lbs. on a good day, and I've developed into a person who has no problem expressing emotions. So I begin thinking...What kind of man legacy am I leaving? By the stereotype definition I completely suck as a "man". Part of this is due to genetics. I graduated high school at 5'8, 108 lbs, and 1.7 % body fat. Being big and strong is out of the question. But what if there is more to it than knowing how to fix a car or being able to bench press 250 lbs. I will never be remembered for being the stereotypical man, it just will not happen and part of that is by choice...

Here is what I hope to be remembered by: I want to really make a difference. I'm not sure if it will be in the church or in the counseling world but a difference will be made. It could be through my teaching/preaching skills or listening; either way I don't care as long as it happens. Relationships are the most important thing. Bigger than sports, school, or whatever else you could throw in there because your relationships are the only things that will matter down the road. 20 years from know I won't care about my GPA or my batting average, I will be focused on rasing a family and being with my wife because those things far outlast anything else. The bottom line is I would rather be remembered for loving the people closest to me than pride myself on being a "man".

So I don't act all that manly, but that's fine with me because I know who I am and I'm not going to try to be someone else. I just can't. I will give absolutely everything I have to those closest to me...hopefully that is enough.

Broken Car

I am temporarily without my car. About a week ago I felt like the battery was dying. I didn't drive it much this week but I went out yesterday to see how the battery was holding up. Well...I ran into bigger problems on my drive. I turned a corner and felt the power start to drain; an issue coming from the battery I thought. Just moments later I felt a new problem. Suddenly the car was picking up speed. Speed is not a problem, cars are meant to go with speed, the problem however was that I was not pressing down on the accelerator. I had to hit the brakes just to keep the car from smashing into the one in front of me. I put the car in neutral and the engine went crazy and almost exploded. So we shall see what is wrong with it in the next few days.

More Psychology...

Two blogs in one day...sorry.

My psychology classes tend to overlap a lot and we have been talking about marriage lately. The top three things that married people fight about:

1. Money


2. Sex


3. House Work

Four other things that can destroy a marriage:

• Criticism - tearing down your spouse, this is different than voicing a complaint or concern.


• Contempt - lack of respect accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike


• Defensiveness - Constantly protecting oneself from criticism, exposure of one's shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the ego


• Stone Walling - not letting your spouse inside your emotional world; being closed off.

Sweeping the nation...

One Tree Hill is sweeping the nation! Alright...in all fairness the revolution started several years ago but it just hit my friends and I. I suppose we didn't get the memo a while back. Who cares, we are here now. I know several people have been watching it for six years now but my friends and I just started season three. We went through two season in about three weeks. You can see One Tree Hill clusters popping up here and there.

People ask me if it is as good as The OC, answer: No. Reason: lack of humor. If there were a Seth Cohen present in One Tree Hill then we could have a legitimate debate, but he is not with us so back up off. I continue to watch it even though it is not funny and I suppose the drama is beginning to suck me in. Overall it is a good show and worthy of my time, but my loyalty still resides with The OC.

Plans coming together?

Anyone who knows me for more than five mins knows that I have to have a plan for everything. I'm detailed-oriented so I need to think through every possible aspect of whatever I'm dealing with. This is a strength at times and at others a weakness. Anyway I tend to think too much but when it comes to my future I want to make sure I have everything in order.

So I have went to my advisor and talked through things and it looks like I will finish classes up here at Lincoln next semester then do my psychology internship this summer. Looks like I'm going to talk to my aunt Dee about doing it at her work if there are openings. This way I'll be living at home this summer, playing softball with dad and the guys and that will be fun. Then next fall there is a good chance I will begin working on my Masters in Counseling in the Seminary here at Lincoln. It would be real nice to have my masters by the age of 24 or 25.

Like No One is Watching

I completely stole this from Bo Chancey's blog, a pastor at Compass Christian Church in Texas where I worked...I copied and pasted portions of it because it is lengthy. Listen, enjoy.

Have you ever noticed somebody singing in their car when they thought that nobody was watching? I love watching them rock out to their favorite song as they dance and sing with all their might. Many times I have been caught staring at a neighboring driver and each time the person immediately stopped and looked embarrassed.
It always makes me sad when that happens, because I kind of feel like I have ruined their fun. They were one way when they thought that no one was watching, but when their private sanctuary was violated they immediately shut it down and returned to the land of the "proper".
Now I've been caught as well. There I was jamming in my car when all of the sudden I realized that I was being watched. Off course, I am just like everybody else. Whenever this would happen, I would stop my singing and begin to sheepishly stare straight ahead.
Recently though, I have adopted a new strategy. Now when I realize that someone is watching, I stare right back at them and sing even harder. I have evoked smiles, laughter, and even the occasional applause. More importantly though, is that I no longer allow the stares of another to ruin my fun. It is unbelievably freeing to say the least. You should try it.
Seriously, you should try it. Not just in your car though, but in church. Wouldn't it be wonderful to become so caught up in worship that you became oblivious to everyone else around you? What if your focus was so completely fixed on God that nothing else in this world mattered? That would be an incredible worship experience.
Worship is what we are here for. We were created to worship and when we allow our worship to be limited or constrained because of concern about what others might think, we are not living life to the fullest. This can and must change for us to truly bring God the glory He so richly deserves.
We must allow ourselves to worship like no one is watching both in corporate worship and in our daily lives. Both are vital, but I will argue that if we cannot worship with complete freedom and utter abandon in a Sunday morning worship gathering then there is no way that we can do it during the rest of our week.
Yes, this is the place to start. Think about it. Sunday mornings represent a time and place where like minded Christians gather together for the expressed purpose of worship. If we cannot find freedom to fully lose ourselves in worship during that time, then what would make us think that it would happen at other times? That is the one moment each week when the worldly distractions are most limited. We must get over ourselves and begin to worship with all of our might, especially when others are watching.
The Sunday worship gathering should be filled with Christians who are eager to sing, dance, clap, and give. When churches are filled with stoic, "reverent" corpses little to no fruit will ever be produced.
What happens on Sunday morning is a mere reflection of a week spent either in intense daily worship or mediocre Christian existing. If we were truly experiencing the victory of living daily with Christ then our worship services would take on a dramatically different feel. They would have energy, passion, and congregational involvement from start to finish. Worship would not have to be drummed up or created. Instead it would be the natural consequence of Christians gathering together. Yawns would turn to shouts. Irritated glances at clocks would turn to wide eyed gazes to the heavens. Crossed arms and stern frowns would be replaced with raised hands and jubilant faces.
Deep down don't you want to be that way? You want to worship God in complete freedom like no one is watching, don't you? You want to sing, raise hands, shout, and dance without caring about what others would think. Of course you do. That is what happens when God becomes the epicenter of your life. He is your focus and nothing has the power to limit your worship of Him. That kind of heart pleases God.

Your Heavenly Father is watching. He is always watching. He watches because He adores you. You are the apple of God's eye. You are His most prized creation. Do not let anything or anyone (including yourself) hinder your worship of Him. Sing for Him. Dance for Him. Reach out for Him. Lose yourself in God's presence as you live everyday in surrendered worship to Him.

Something I thought I'd never do...

Two nights ago I got invited to go to this place called Stone Country. It's this line dancing club in Peoria. I laughed when I got the invitation but my other plans for Friday night fell through so I decided to go. I felt totally out of my element because not only is it line dancing club but also a hip hop club. For the first hour I was lost and confused but then I actually tried and I had tons of fun. I mean, I wasn't very good at it, but I got better as the night went on. Hopefully we are going back soon.

Pujols Celebrity Golf Tournament

The past four days I have spent my time in St. Louis. Two of the days were spent setting up for the tournament, Monday was the actual day of the golf outing, and Tuesday I went back down to St. Louis to see the Cards beat the Cubs in the ninth inning.

Saturday wasn't that bad. Most of the night was spent stuffing bags full of goodies to give to the celebrities and regular golfers. Surprisingly we were done before midnight. Sunday was course set up day. We sat up tables, sponsors signs, all kinds of stuff...

Monday morning came early at 4:15...worked hard all day, saw some cool celebs. Torry Holt was very cool, not that great at golf though. I saw Bobby Knight, it was my goal for the day, I took a sweet pic of him teeing off on my cell phone. I also offered him a bottle of water but he didnt want one, his loss. The worst part came when we tried to clean the course up and the flood gates opened up on us and poured and hailed on us...we were soaked all night. Again, it was a late night followed by 5:00 am wake up call to head back to lincoln....

Worst feeling in the world...

Is wet socks. Completely soaked wet socks. A completely soaked wet shirt to go along with the wet socks makes matters worse....this was the ending to my celebrity style weekend (Pujols golf tournament). More on the entire weekend later...

Flyin' by...

Last weekend was Labor Day and it was great to be home with family I didn't see all summer. Carrie was in town and I didn't find out until last night so obviously I missed her, stupid me. School has been really nice lately. Hanging out with friends and meeting new people as well, I am having a good time. This weekend I'm working at a celebrity golf tournament that Albert Pujols is putting on in St. Louis. Lots of setting up work today and tomorrow and the event actually doesn't happen until Monday. Luckily I have no classes on monday. Tuesday night I'm coming back to St. Louis for the Cards - Cubs game. Wednesday night will be Focus so the busyness continues. That's life.

Birth Order...relationships.

Lately in class we have talked lots about birth order; the characteristics of each and how they match up with others. Here what it looks like if I remember correctly:

Oldest + Youngest = Best match, especially if the oldest is the male and he has younger sister, he then becomes the protector. Oldest provides the leadership and responsibility, youngest brings the fun.

Oldest + Oldest = A Battle, because both a likely to be more dominant they clash more frequently.

Youngest + Youngest = Lots of fun, but could be headed for trouble due to tendencies to be less responsible. Ex. money, bills

Only child + Whoever = The only child needs to learn how to share, still.

Middle child....I can't remember.